Resister: Lokasenna Reinterpreted

I marked April 18th on my calendar as Day of Resisters. 

Why this day, particularly, I have since forgotten. (I forget a lot these days. I blame it on the firehose excess of information coming in, but it may just be that sometimes I work out a problem in my mind and then once I’ve arrived at a solution, forget all the steps that got me sorted in order to save precious “disk-space” in my aging mind.)

Nonetheless, today — today I will focus on one story of resistance: Lokasenna.

In this poem, Loki has gone to a feast of the Aesir to tell them off. Having said his piece, he is pursued by the angry gods and transforms himself into a fish, but is later caught in a net of his own design. In retaliation, his sons are killed and their entrails are used to bind him in a cave. A snake which drips poison is placed above him, and his wife, Sigyn, holds a bowl over his face to shield him. When she empties the bowl, Loki’s writhing causes the Earth to shake. Basically. 

Now, I don’t think our myths ever need only one interpretation, nor do I imagine them to be literal tales of factual actions which occurred in the linear past. I think our myths are fractal metaphoric stories inspired in human poets by wise spirits, and that these stories endure because of the nearly limitless truths we can perceive in them as we turn them over, gazing into them through our own, changing, multifaceted contexts.

So, here is one interpretation of the Lokasenna.

Imagine that the gods here do not represent the good and kind and wise spirit powers. Imagine instead for a moment, that here they represent the delirious human grasping for absolute power. Capricious, ruthless, authoritarian power. Imperial, expansionist power. 

The kind of power that arbitrarily kidnaps your three children from their mother in Ironwood. 

Your children have committed no crime. Their transgressions are only supposed prophecies — unsubstantiated accusations. Potentialities. So the gods arbitrarily and capriciously toss one of your sons into the sea. They bind another son for a supposed eternity with an unbreakable bond and shove a sword in his open mouth. And they toss your daughter into the underworld — OK, she becomes goddess of said underworld, but still. Your three children have been kidnapped and renditioned to lands you cannot reach. You cannot rescue them.

Then you’re accused of orchestrating Balder’s death (only by Snorri, not by Saxo, but these rumors are clearly dangerous since no one is engaging in due process). Rather than disappearing into the humble, cowed night, you walk yourself directly into the gods’ party and you tell them off.

You use the shield of your old blood oath, your passport, to enter the space of power. You tell them off. And then, you have to flee, to hopefully fight another day, because now, Thor is after you. (Not Thor, protector of Midgard, not our friend, the god, not your longtime traveling companion, but here, a metaphoric representation of violent, irresistible, physical power.)

You slip away, but these authoritarians pursue you. You imagine all the ways they could catch you and you try to plan your various escapes, but in the end, they use your own mind — your own ideas — to snare you.

They imprison you. Tie you to a stone using the guts of your murdered child. Your partner does what she can. She tries to shield your face from the unceasing drops of venom — but sometimes she must empty the bowl.

And then, your writhing is the source of earthquakes. The injustice of your imprisonment and torture shakes the world. 

The story doesn’t end there; authoritarians always sow the seeds of their own destruction. In torturing you and your family, they’ve created the enemies they sought to defeat. And you don’t survive, but you do end their rule.

I think this is one interpretation. I couldn’t really have seen it before now. But today, it feels like the most important interpretation. 

Today, it feels like prophecy.

The Song About Perfectionism is Stridently Imperfect

I wrote the first version of “Loki’s Laughing” during the height of COVID shutdowns. It lay there, incomplete and in rough recorded journal form (page turns and all) for three years before I pulled it out to really look at it again – which is kind of a funny story all on its own. I had been chatting with a friend about how paralyzed I felt, creatively. So paralyzed, in fact, that my song about creative paralysis was stuck in limbo. She wanted to hear it, so I uploaded it to SoundCloud for ease of sharing… and then 300-odd people wound up listening to my unfinished, unpolished journal entry within 48 hours, which was both thrilling and horrifying.

Thinking about the song again got me thinking about the feelings behind it.

From the time I was about 13 years old (when I started learning to play my dad’s old 12-string guitar) until I was 36 or so, I was an active artist. I played shows and open mics (in a few countries), I entered (and sometimes won) contests of visual art and poetry, and all my free time that wasn’t spent hiking or biking involved the creation and performance of art in some form.

But right around the time I turned 36 – so, just a little under 10 years ago from the time of this writing – I stopped creating. Altogether. I just shut down.

It was as if this horrific Paralyzing Spirit of Perfectionism took over and hollowed me out. Suddenly, after decades of creating freely, I just couldn’t. I was consumed by the fear that I would somehow create something that would trigger a cascade of online vitriol. And my fear of trolls absolutely invaded my skull. Imaginary bullies followed me into my living room. Before I even sat down with the piano or began to daydream about a story, legions of imaginary bullies were screaming at me. It was ridiculous.

What happened when I turned 36 was that I got my first smartphone.

And what had completely paralyzed me was my very first observations of the comments section on social media like YouTube and, well, the whole of Twitter.

I was tying myself in knots because I was terrified that some bored jerk on Twitter (or Tik Tok or whatever) was going to – what? Be mean to me? I spent my childhood being teased on the playground. I’ve been told I was a weirdo all my life. What’s new? What was so scary about it happening on the Internet that I was suddenly a committed devotee of rotting in unremitting, barren paralysis?

I think it’s because the Internet was suddenly in my pocket. Or bag. Or on the table next to me. I think it’s because the potential for bullying felt like it was omnipresent. Inescapable.

Social media can be a tool, if we approach it as one facet of a rich and truly multifaceted life. If the vast majority of our time is spent outdoors in the sunshine (or rain or wind or snow), or with people, plants, and animals in the actual meatspace of embodied life, if we devote ourselves to working with our hands and reading books (with pages that we can turn) and writing with a pencil and paper – if we re-inhabit our bodies – and occasionally check in on Instagram… I think, maybe, that the Internet might be a cool way to connect.

But if it takes over our skulls, if it masters us… naw. Fuck it.

Throw it away.

We can do better.

We used to share printed zines and have pirate radio shows. We used to write paper letters and meet up in libraries and coffee shops and parks. We used to ride our fucking bikes around the godsdamned neighborhood.

And ya know, that was actually pretty fucking cool.

Well anyway, here’s a video I made to go along with a song I made (with my brother). A stridently imperfect song about being creatively paralyzed and how ridiculous that really is.

Because we’re all gonna die. And the bullies are just as scared of the vast, open question that is the end of life as anyone. So fuck it. Might as well create something now.

Screenshot 2024-03-03 at 4.37.46 PM